That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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