No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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