You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
