I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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