What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
