I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
