Tell her she can't have a vagina
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
