i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
