How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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