Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
40s are totally the cure
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
