My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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