Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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