things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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