It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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