she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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