Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Come share oat with me in your robe
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
