I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
