Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
