You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
