dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
