Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
