my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
