bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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