She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
