I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
