Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
