I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to make out with him forever
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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