I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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