i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
