just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
cat food counts as protein by the way
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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