Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
