i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
