I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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