guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
