My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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