dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
