Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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