your thong is hanging out like whoa
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
