Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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