I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
