before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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