I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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