He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
