I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
