fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
