he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
