the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
