so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
