eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
