She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
