Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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